After Death
by feralandfree
Summary: The Tenth Doctor knew he was going to die, but things didn't turn out quite as he expected...


Author's note

This fic takes place right after "Journey's end" and during "the End of Time", and it is basically what I like to think really happened. It's my way of finding closure.

I hope you enjoy it!

Feral

**After Death**

...

_Ouch._

_This hurts, this seriously hurts._

The Doctor steadied himself against the wall of the TARDIS. The radiation was burning inside him, inexorably devouring every inch of his body. He didn't have much time left.

He needed to see her, one last time...But when? She was with the Meta-Crisis in the parallel world, if he were to go there... He smiled ruefully _She wouldn't let me go. _

Suddenly it was hard to know if the pain in his chest was really the radiation.

_An unimportant day, just any day in her past, before she met me. _

Yes, that was good.

He couldn't risk changing the timeline, so no talking allowed. He would just stand in a corner, somewhere in the shadows, he wouldn't say a word. He would just look at her one last time, and that would be enough. It would have to be enough.

"C'mon" he cried. Energised with the prospect of seeing her he steered the TARDIS with renewed vigour. No one would have suspected the lively man running around the controls was dying.

The TARDIS behaved very well, she didn't complain or bash about as he navigated her through time; she knew the Doctor didn't have much time to play about, he barely had the energy to handle the controls. Finally she stopped. They had arrived.

The Doctor pushed open the door. It was very dark, and very cold.

"Oh good, cold. The cold is good, it's nice. I like the cold."

It made it easier to handle the burning pain from the radiation.

He waited... and then he saw her.

_Be quiet, don't say anything. Just look. _

He focused on the hair he could see falling from under her little hat. He couldn't have gone very far in the past, she looked the same as ever...His kind, precious Rose...And she was walking away.

_Ouch!_

The Doctor gripped his chest as a fresh wave of pain overcame him.

A short, sharp gasp escaped his lips before he could bite it back...

And she turned around.

.

.

.

The Doctor was back in the TARDIS. To her he gave his last farewell. It had been a good run.

It was time.

The tenth Doctor took a few steps, looking blindly ahead as memories of his incarnation rushed through his mind:

when he forgot he was a Time lord and was a professor,

the face of Boe,

that one time when the little boy found his mummy and everybody lived,

Donna standing in her wedding dress, screaming at him,

meeting _his_ Doctor,

dancing with Rose...

What would his new incarnation be like? Would he be wiser, kinder, happier?

He would no longer love Rose, he would only have the memory of loving her.

Maybe that was for the best.

_It's time._

_Allons-y..._

_Allons-y..._

_SAY IT! _

_Allons-y!_

"I don't want to go."

Then he was gone.

.

.

.

Something was wrong.

Well, not wrong, just _different_.

The Doctor was used to strange things, but he had never had a regeneration like this before.

He was dead, gone, he was the eleventh Doctor now, right?

Well then why did he still feel like the tenth?

And why couldn't he see anything?

Everything was dark, the Doctor tried to feel for the controls of the TARDIS... then he realised he wasn't in the TARDIS at all...He was somewhere else, in empty...emptiness.

_Now this is weird._

He felt something pull at him, something from very far away...

BANG!

CRASH!

"DOCTOR!"

"Doctor!" He could hear Rose calling for him. Wait...

_What? What? WHAT?_

BANG!

"Doctor!

Come on, Doctor, wake up! We're going to crash, what's _wrong_ with you?" Rose cried, frantically pushing buttons and pulling levers as the TARDIS seemed to be spinning out of control, red lights flashing and alarms sounding out in a cacophony of...well...bad news.

The Doctor froze. He was in the TARDIS...With Rose...

She looked so pretty.

Well yes, she was flushed, covered in some strange green goo, her hair was all over the place and that shirt wasn't in the best of tastes but still...

"Doctor snap out of it and help me!"

Before he had time to think, the Doctor pulled and pushed and hammered the TARDIS into relative stability. Then he looked at her.

"What have you done to my ship!" he cried in horror.

Rose put her hands on her hips in annoyance.

" What do you mean, 'what have I done to her'? Everything was going fine until you started daydreaming. What was all that about? It's not like I know how to steer her by myself, you know."

"But...it's...Yellow! Why is it Yellow? Why is my TARDIS yellow?"

"It's always been yellow! Wow for a Time Lord you really aren't very good with details are you?" She patted him on the shoulder.

"I've got to have a shower, you should have told me that Gloobairian celebratory goo-splatting parades were so...gooey" Rose carefully made her way to the shower, trying not to slip as the goo oozed from her clothes to the floor.

_What is going on?_

The Doctor felt dizzy, he grabbed on to the controls of the TARDIS, but he felt his strength abandon him as he fell to the floor.

And all went black. Again.

_This is getting very annoying._

"Hello?" the Doctor called out into the nothingness that surrounded him. "is anyone there? I am the Doctor and something is terribly wrong. I am supposed to be dead right now"

"I'm dead?" A voice answered back, _HIS_ voice. "Well that explains it"

From the darkness a small faint light appeared, slowly growing and expanding. From within its heart the Doctor could see a familiar silhouette approach.

It was...The tenth doctor?

"Hello, me." The Doctor waved at the Doctor.

"What's going on?" he asked himself...Quite literally.

The Doctor that had emerged from the light shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure. I was travelling with Rose, we were just leaving the planet Gloob after the splatting parade...Quite a show I must say! I hope Gloob goo doesn't come off easily, if I can get Rose to throw that shirt away I really wouldn't be unhappy I must admit..."

"No no no, something is very wrong. What timeline is this?"

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. "I never took Rose to Gloob, I would remember that. And how am I here anyway? I'm dead." A thought his him. "Wait, before when I said I was dead you replied "that explains it". How does it explain it?"

The other Doctor put his glasses on "When you said you died I thought that explained my being in this dark nothingness, I though you had called me to reveal some vital information or something. So, tell me, what is the message?"

"I have no message! I'm just dead!" The Doctor cried in frustration. "And why was my TARDIS yellow?"

"The TARDIS has always been yellow...Why? Does Rose change the décor or something later on? Please don't tell me she got me to add throw pillows, I couldn't stand throw pillows in the TARDIS"

"No, there aren't any throw pillows" he reassured...Himself. "But this is not in my timeline... I don't remember any of this."

The two Doctors began an animated discussion on the possibilities.

"Could it be a crack in the Time-Space barrier?"

"Did Captain Jack go back in time and do something very stupid, changing my life? I _told_ him..."

"A parallel world? No, those were sealed off they can't mix that easily"

"Maybe your death is just an illusion...Are you sure you died?"

"Yes I'm sure, I know what it feels like to die, you know!"

"Well, how did you die, that might help?"

"No spoilers."

"Fair enough... So...What did you see after you died?"

"I came here, to this... Well, this Nothing."

"I came here when I was with Rose and I was fine..."

"Our TARDIS is different.."

"But you travel with Rose too, right?"

"I used to."

"You used to?"

"I...lost her."

The Other Doctor became very still "She's not dead, is she?"

The Doctor didn't answer. "We are walking on thin ice here, and you know it. Until we find out what is going on we can't risk sharing too much information, we can't change our own timeline..."

The other Doctor was getting agitated "We're talking about Rose here, and if you know me, then you know I would rip the fabric of the universe for her, so don't start talking about time lines to me. Paradox or no paradox, if Rose is dead you'll tell me how I can stop it from happening. I promised to protect her, I can't just let her die. You look my age so it's going to happen soon ….you have to tell me before it's too late...TELL ME"

"Will you shut up?" The Doctor shouted back. "She's not dead, she's fine. She's with... Wait" Realisation lit up his eyes. "She's with you."

"What?"

"You said I look your age"

"Well, you do look my age"

"But I don't age"

"Yes I do, I..." the other Doctor finally caught on, too. "You're the original Tenth Doctor!"

"And you are the Meta-Crisis!"

"Your Rose is my Rose..."

"...And the TARDIS has always been yellow because it's a new TARDIS that you grew in the parallel world! Eureka!" The two hugged in the gleeful satisfaction of a mystery solved.

"Now the question is" The Doctor pondered "Why are we here, and why did I get a flash of your life? Did a supernova interfere with the regenerating process..."

"Doctor..."

"No. A system malfunction? Now don't be daft..."

"Doctor..."

"Aha! Maybe you got hit on the head and we are both dead and..."

"DOCTOR WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN" The other doctor interrupted "Seriously am I that annoying? How do your partners tolerate you? Blabbering on in your own little world of conjecture...No, I'm sure I'm not as bad as that!" He shook his head. "Now listen. I'm you, right? I come from your hand."

"Yes. And I'm not annoying, I'm wonderful."

"Fine. Now, usually when a Doctor dies, he regenerates, and his past incarnation is lost. But other Doctors never regenerated twice in the same incarnation..."

"...Because they never had a part of themselves to send the rest of the energy to..."

"...Or at least they didn't end up with a Meta-Crisis Doctor in a parallel world!"

"So when I died..."

"..The part of you that is lost in a regeneration followed the same path as the first regeneration, from your world..."

"...To your hand!"

The Meta-Crisis Doctor put his hand up and waved "Hello. I love this hand, you've really got to love this hand"

"So right now..."

"We are in my mind, tucked away until we make a choice."

The Doctor nodded. "I can truly die, or blend consciousness with you. Become you."

The other Doctor grinned "I don't mind: we would be one person with two sets of memories within the time period we were separate, but I was only born a few months ago so it wouldn't be difficult."

"And since we have a Time Lord mind, memories and time shifts aren't as complicated...But what about Rose?"

The other Doctor took a deep breath "You know how I feel about her. I doubt your feelings have changed"

"Of course not!"

"Well, we'll simply ask her. She needs to know."

"It really is her decision. I won't stay if she doesn't want me to."

"This is going to be difficult to explain"

The two doctors made the effort to become fully conscious together, sharing control of the body and taking turns. It was...Messy. When the other Doctor was in control the original Doctor unintentionally made the right hand slap him. Retaliation ensued and...And the situation degenerated into a slapping and kicking fight.

"What are you doing?" Rose inquired as she entered the room. She had showered and changed into jean shorts with a purple Tee and was now looking quizzically at the Doctor who seemed to be hitting himself. "Don't tell me there are space mosquitoes or something."

_Space mosquitoes? What have you been telling her? _

_Well, we might have them here in this world, or have you forgotten?_

_Quite right. Wow, I had never thought of space mosquitoes. I wonder what repellent we'd need..._

_WILL YOU SHUT UP? We're about to see who lives or dies here! Now let's just explain the situation..._

_No! Don't tell her I'm here!_

_Why not?_

_It might be better if I die, she might want just you. _

_Have you thought she might just want YOU? _The other Doctor spat back in ill-concealed jealousy.

_I'm merely the copy. If she only wants you, then...Then I'll leave you the body and I'll be the one to die._

_But you are more human than I am, you understand things I cannot..._

_We will let her decide. She chooses who lives. We both want her to be happy, don't we? No backing down now, right?_

_Right. I'll speak first._

_No, I will, it's my body._

_It was mine first, that is MY hand!_

_But I've been using it longer and Rose is used to me, she hasn't seen you in months! _

_Fair enough..._

"Rose" the Meta-Crisis Doctor spoke quietly "I need to tell you something."

"What's up?" She smiled.

"I have some good news and some bad news."

"Don't tell me, are we on some deadly planet?" She laughed lightly "I'm rather used to that now... Oh"

Rose looked at his eyes and the smile froze on her lips. "It's really serious, isn't it?" she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear.

"The tenth Doctor...he died"

"Oh"

Rose stood very still and could only whisper: "Oh"

"He has regenerated and now there is an eleventh Doctor"

Rose leaned against the wall of the TARDIS.

"Did he...was someone with him?"

_Was_...

_No, I was alone._

"It isn't important"

Rose began to cry " So he died alone. He died alone and I wasn't there with him."

"Rose..." The Doctors tried to touch her arm but she moved away.

"I wasn't with him and now he's gone"

_Right... You'd better take over. _

The Meta-Crisis relinquished control to the original Doctor.

The Doctor pulled Rose to him and hugged her, his chin resting on her head as she sobbed.

"Rose...Rose, you forgot there is some good news."

"What could possibly be the good news?" She pulled back "can we save him?"

"We can't undo a regeneration" The Doctor answered quietly, delicately moving a strand of hair from her face "but the Doctor isn't completely gone."

"I know" Rose nodded as the tears still filled her eyes "You are here. You are part of him. I'm sorry if I'm being unfair but...It's the Doctor..._My_ Doctor."

The Doctor would feel the Meta-Crisis stiffen internally. _Ask her_ He muttered.

"Would you rather I had died instead?"

"No!" Rose cried back in horror "Of course not! I don't want to lose either one of you!"

He could feel the relief rush trough his other self, this had obviously been a real fear of his.

The Doctor became very nervous as he whispered the next question...

"Do you love the Doctor? The _real_ Doctor? "

"Yes. I'm sorry, I know it must be difficult for you but I love him, too. I love him very much..."

The Doctor closed his eyes and smiled. Blimey, that was good to hear.

"And now he's gone" Fresh tears flowed down her cheeks as her face fell, sobbing quietly. "My Doctor..."

_Is that enough? _

_Yes._

_Are you going to stay?_

_Yes. _

_You're still going to grow old and die, you know. I only have one heart._

_I want nothing more. _

The two Doctors met in the Darkness, in the void that was the potential of a new mind, the empty space that had been left in order to be filled with the new, complete, mortal Doctor. With a grin they looked into each other for the last time as separate beings, and in unison cried:

"Allons-y!"

.

The Doctor opened his eyes. Everything had happened in a second. Rose was still sobbing quietly in his arms. His precious, wonderful companion.

"Rose" His voice dropped as his hands moved to her shoulders so he could steady her.

"Rose"

_Look at me._

Slowly she lifted her gaze from the ground and their eyes met.

He had the memories of growing the TARDIS together, spending every day in her company, but he also had missed those eyes, he had missed them so very, very much.

Rose frowned slightly, as if something was wrong, different in the way the Doctor was looking at her. He could see she was attempting to figure out what it was, trying to put her finger on it...

Then her lips quivered as hope, barely suppressed, escaped in the form of a word that sounded like a prayer:"Doctor?"

Her voice trembled "Doctor? Is it...you?"

"Yes."


End file.
